Eve White: Literary Agent

from JANE BLONDE - SENSATIONAL SPYLET

“Never heard of me, have you, Babes? Not heard of your lovely groovy Godmother?” Dubiously, Janey shook her head. The woman shrugged her bag up onto her shoulder and peered seriously left and right along the street. “Okay. But you’ve heard of Solomon’s Polificational Investigations.” “Er, no. No I haven’t. I’ve got an uncle called Solomon, but he makes ice lollies Not polly-wolly wotsits.” The woman shook her head with irritation, jowls wobbling like a blood-hound. “Well, I’ve got to say, Girly-Girl, that it’s a shifty old shame you understand so little. Because it’s going to make the next bit a who-o-o-le lot more difficult to explain. You see, I was just coming to find out what Solomon had to say to you when he got in touch. But there’s been a bit of a hiccup. I’ve now been directed to let you know that right now your dear mother’s in a bit of a pickle. In fact, it’s bigger than a pickle. More like a great green gherkin. Yes indeedy. So you’re going to have to rescue her. You have to come with me, zippety split. R-r-r-r-right now.” Janey almost fell on the ground, so eager was she to get off the bench and run back to Miss Rale. This woman was clearly nuts. “I can’t! I’m not allowed! We’ve had lessons about stranger danger and … and all that!” “Sweety, I am not a stranger! I’ve told you! I’ve been sent by your dear Uncle’s organisation, Solomon’s Polificational Investigations. Call it SPI, saves time. And I’m your Godmother! Although, being the young groovster that I am, I’ve come up with something a little less boring. Call me … G-Mamma.” “G-Mamma?” “Yeah, G-Mamma. You know, like, jiving hip-hopping street-talk.” “Er. Sorry. I don’t know what you’re on about.” “Rapping! You know, like: ‘My name’s G-Mamma, and I’ve come to say, You’d better get your booty underway. Your ma’s in trouble, it’s plain to see. And who’s gonna help her? Janey B!” Janey sat with her mouth hanging open. G-Mamma sighed. “Well, I can see there are all sorts of areas in which you need educating. You’re not very hip and happening, young Janey, are you? What have they been teaching you? Oh, forget it - time for all that later. Right now, you need to rescue Gina.” Janey shook her head again. “Gina? Who’s that?” “Gina Bellarina, darling. Your mother?” A huge feeling of relief swept over Janey. This mad woman had obviously got the wrong person.